51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh
by silver-nightstorm
Summary: When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh... Rated for some topics in later chapters... DISCONTINUED.
1. Finding The List

Note... I didn't come up with the list of ways to annoy murtagh, I found them on Quizilla...

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

_**Chapter 1: Finding the List...**_

Mercury had always liked the stories about the planet called Earth. The thing that she liked the most about the stories was that they were in some strange weird way, possible. So, it had given Mercury a genius idea, use magic to gain access to the "Internet."

Pure genius, right? Cause now, Mercury and her twin sister Star were sitting in front of the computer looking at a sight called "quizilla(dot)com"

"Hey Star, we're famous here right? So, I wonder what would happen if I typed in 'Murtagh.'"

Star smiled, "That would be totally awesome. Try it!"

Mercury smiled and typed in, M-u-r-t-a-g-h. "Ok, the screen is loading," Mercury said, pointing to the makeshift computer. "Kay! It's ready!"

Star looked at the screen, "Would Murtagh Love You? What kind of quiz is that?"

Mercury scrolled down, "Ooooooooo! Look at this! 51 Ways To Annoy Murtagh." Mercury clicked on the link and this is what came up:

51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh

1) Follow him around and keep asking the same stupid question no matter what answer he gives.

2) Follow him around chanting, "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Murtagh stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"

3) Give him nicknames that are unrelated to his real name. Ex: Paul. Joe. Han Solo. Teddy Bear. Freddie.

4) Ask loudly where babies come from. Keep asking him even if he claims he won't tell you.

5) On the off chance he gets frustrated enough to tell you where babies come from (previously mentioned on number 4), look offended and claim he's not taking you seriously.

6) Whenever he's done saying something snigger and say, "Yeah, like well ever believe that!" very sarcastically.

7) Poke him at random moments, and don't give him a straight answer as to why you are doing it, either.

8) Laugh at any and all plans he comes up with.

9) Follow him around and tell people that he learned everything he knows from you.

10) Whenever anyone asks you about him say proudly, "Were all very proud of him- all of us in the insanity response unit, that is- we just got him potty trained, too."

11) Tell Eragon that Murtagh has a crush on him. Claim that there is hidden poetry in his room if he looks hard enough. Make sure Murtagh hears these claims. His reaction to this news will certainly start quite a few new rumors.

12) Kill, burn, and eat the ashes of his horse.

13) Or, if you're too compassionate to kill the poor animal, wait till Murtagh is half seated on it, then slap its bum and yell "giddyup!" If the horse is too well trained to fall for that, run, run fast!

14) Point and laugh at him whenever he passes you.

15) Say bad things about him before he passes out of earshot.

16) Try to get him to start a conga line.

17) Clearly in view, smack yourself on the head with something hard, then throw it by Murtagh and claim loudly that he has wounded you.

18) Kick him in the shins at random moments when he is not looking; then run away.

19) Tell Arya that you heard him say that he expected her to be prettier when he found out she was an elf.

20) Wake him up early in the early hours of the morning with a bucket of water. Cold water.

21) Put his hand in warm water while he's sleeping.

22) Cut his hair while he's sleeping.

23) Take his stuff and hide it.

24) Go up to him and tell him you've done something to something in his room. See how long it takes him to work up the nerve to brush his teeth again (in fear you've dipped his toothbrush in the toilet (or chamber pot for you eccentrics)).

25) Walk up to him and say, "Man, it feels good to be a hamster," and walk away with no explanation.

26) Laugh at him in general.

27) Dye his hair rainbow colors by any means possible. See if he screams.

28) Make a comment about how he's putting on a little poundage and see if he still continues to eat regularly.

29) Get him a puppy for Christmas. Claim that since he's always wanted one, you finally raised the bar, from a hamster to a dog.

30) Get him a Chiwawa as the aforementioned puppy. (An Irish Wolfhound would be a very, very stupid move at this point)

31) Spread outlandish rumors about him. (Ex: Yeah, I've heard he's even dated a queen. Or: I heard that to get out of prison once, the guards made him dress up as a girl and pout.)

32) Show up in his room before he goes to bed with warm milk and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep.

33) Mimic him in an especially childish way whenever he speaks.

34) Continue to ask why he isn't as cool or good-looking as Eragon.

35) See how many rounds of '100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' he can take before he swears and draws his sword.

36) Claim #35 (above) was you testing his mental endurance. Claim he failed spectacularly.

37) Whenever you discuss Murtagh's strange behavior around you with others, always refer to him as she.

38) Replace all his clothes with dresses (or any other clothes that are obviously intended for a woman). Admittedly, some of the fun is sapped out of the joke because he can always get new clothes, but it will still be entertaining to watch him try to explain his predicament to the tailor.

39) Replace all his weapons with hand made replicas you made with construction paper and glue, maybe even with tape (to give it a shinier look!).

40) Scream the name, "FRODO!" at him and then look disappointed when he doesn't react. When he asks what a Frodo is, refuse to tell him because he didn't recognize his Sam.

41) Tell him, "The cat crows at dawn and the horse screams at noon," and see how he reacts to this little bit of randomness.

42) After you've finished telling him something, you must add (no matter what!) But it's just a rumor. (Ex: Eragon told me to tell you that you guys are leaving tomorrow, but it's just a rumor.)

43) Tell him you're leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy.

44) See if he attempts to be polite about you saying you're leaving (#43-above) and tries to say something like too bad, or, I'll miss you, or, You simply must write, or, Send me a postcard!

45) Make up his own theme song and sing it whenever he enters the room, or triumphs, or walks, or eats, or something, anything at all

46) (In relation to #45) When he threatens to cut out your tongue if you continue to sing his theme song, smile say, "Oh all right," and begin to hum it.

47) Offer him gum from one of those trick packs (you know, the ones that shock you or snap your fingers with a mini mousetrap).

48) Play knock and run at his bedroom door. When he inevitably refuses to answer, open the door, step in and holler "Lucy! I'm hooomme!"

49) Scream, "You dropped your pocket!" whenever he's fighting on the practice courts.

50) (In relation to #49) Give him your best, plastic-fake, commercial, poster-boy smile and say, "Great job you did on the practice courts today, even though you got hit on the head twice. Oh, by the way, you dropped your pocket."

51) (In relation to everything on this list) When he tries to attack you and must be forcefully restrained, sigh and say, "I always said he was insane. I've known it for years," even if you've only met him last month.

(note: I did not make this list! Someone else on did it, NOT ME! I just clicked copy and paste. I repeat, I did NOT make this list!)

Mercury looked at her sister, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Star smirked, "Totally. You use it on Murtagh, and I'll be on the sidelines taping it on the video camera you made!"

Mercury smirked, "We could totally make this into a movie! And post it on the 'Youtube' thingy!"

"Totally awesome!" cried Star.

"Right! I'm the loyal host, Mercury. I'm also the pranker!"

"And I'm your loyal co-host and cameragirl!" said Star, "By the way... what's a camera?"

* * *

this is what happens when you have a bored auther-ess... well... enjoy!


	2. The Question Is

OMG! I totally should make this into a movie! i'll cosplay as Mercury, my BFFL Aiedail Icestar can be Star (cause that's who she is) and I can ask one of my friends to be Murtagh! It'll be totally BAMF!

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 1: The Question Is...**

"Scene 1, Take 273, because _someone_ forgot to take off the lens cap!" Mercury growled into the camera.

"It's gonna be take 274 if you keep growling at the camera!" replied Star.

"Whatever..." muttered Mercury, "Well, anyway... Here we are on our first ever episode of '51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh!' I am your loyal host, Mercury, and our cough horrible cough camera girl is my twin sister Star! Today, we take on challenge numba uno! Otherwise known as mission, 'Follow Murtagh around and keep asking him the same stupid question no matter what answer he gives!'"

Star walks onto the screen. "Here is our handy-dandy question picker, otherwise know as a hat with a bunch of papers in it!" Star flourishes a top hat.

"We're gonna pick one, and that is the stupid question that I'm gonna constantly ask Murtagh!" cried Mercury, "Lets go!"

Mercury reached into the bag and pulled out a small folded piece of paper. She opened it and gasped... "Star... I don't remember this question being there..."

Star smirked, "You have to do it!"

"Fine!" muttered Mercury, "Our question is... 'What color are you boxers!'"

* * *

yes... this is what happens when I'm not really thinking and just typing... cliff hanger for the next chappie! R&R!


	3. The First Mission

I feel sorry for Mercury, imagine having to ask someone that! shudder...

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 3: The First Mission**

Mercury decided that walking was overrated, so she poofed herself into Murtagh's room. Like, literally, poofed. Complete with randomly colored clouds of smoke and everything! It was magical.

Murtagh was sitting on his bed, reading a book. So when Mercury poofed into his treehouse-room-thingy, you could imagine his reaction. (translation: he jumped out of the bed and shreiked like a three year old girl who saw the "wicked witch")

When he saw Mercury in the middle of the room (the smoke was just clearing up now) he screamed again.

"What? Am I really that scary?"

"No, you just... scared me..."

"Murtagh, I have a very important question, and I need you to answer it completely honestly..."

"Oh god... this could be bad..."

"What color are your boxers?" asked Mercury innocently.

"...it was even worse than I thought... OH GOD..." groaned Murtagh.

"Really! What color are your boxers?" asked Mercury, again.

Murtagh stiffly replied, "I do not wish to disclose that information."

And that was it... or so he thought!

Mercury attacked him many times, with Star loyally hidden as her cameragirl...

**Numba Uno!**

Murtagh was walking along the streets of Ellesmera, enjoying the view (translation: he was checking out every single elf girl he saw) He had just found the prettiest girl in the entire city (or so he thought) So, he went up to talk to her.

"And your name is?" he asked, pretending to be the best in the world. Wait, why did he have to pretend?

"Sanya... And you must be Murtagh," replied the elf, "You really _are_ as cute as the wanted posters in Gilead said you were!"

Murtagh grinned, "And you're quite..."

"HEY MUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRTAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!" cried out a voice. You could just imagine who it was. Mercury, duh.

"Murty! I has a question for you!" she chirped. "It's very, _very_ important!"

Murtagh turned to her and growled, "Can't. It. Wait?"

"NO!" shouted Mercury. "I _need_ to know!"

"Oh god..." Murtagh groaned, slapping his head.

Soon enough, "What color are your boxers?"

Murtagh's reaction was nothing compared to Sanya's. Her eyes went all bulgy, and big, then boom! She like, exploded... Or maybe a more acurate reaction would be that her soul drained out of her body, and she just fainted.

It was funny. And all Murtagh could do was sputter and stare as Mercury skipped away. "Fine then! Don't answer! But I'll get the answer out of you someday!" she called...

**Numero Tooooooooooooo**

Murtagh was sitting in a cafe (yep, there are cafes in Ellesmera) He was enjoying a nice cup of rosewater, which is basically a cup of water that tastes like a rose... not that he knew how roses tasted in the first place. He had just picked up the glass and was about to take a sip when...

"What color are your boxers?"

Murtagh jumped, which was a really bad idea when he was holding a cup of water. He spilled the water all down his front, and sputtered at Mercury, "Look what you made me do!"

Mercury pouted, "So you're not gonna tell me?"

"NO!"

She glared... then grinned evily. "You're gonna regret that..." her voice trailed off... Murtagh gulped... and...

"MURTAGH WET HIMSELF!" Mercury shreiked.

Everyone else sitting in the cafe looked at Murtagh and started whispering.

"I... didn't... rosewater... setup... MERCURY!" shreiked Murtagh.

"Uh-oh..." muttered Mercury, "Gotta go!"

She ran off with an angry Murtagh running after her...

**Number Tree... whoop-dee-dee-deeeeeeeeee**

Murtagh was at a very important meeting. Everyone who was anyone in Ellesmera was there, and obviously, so was Princess Mercury. At the end of the meeting, she stood up.

"I have a very important question for the rider of Thorn," she stated.

Obviously, Murtagh groaned. He'd just about figured out what came next.

"What color are your boxers?"

Everyone in the meeting hall fainted, and Murtagh just slapped his head.

Little did he know that his torture in this phase wasn't over yet. And there was _way_ more torture yet to come...

* * *

Poor Murtagh... I'm kinda starting to feel sorry for him now... Oh wait, no! That sorry-ness was for the poor kitty who hurt it's leg... somewhere...

anyway! R&R!


	4. Murtagh Stole the Cookie!

Hehe, this is getting really fun!

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 4: Murtagh Stole the Cookie!**

**Last But Not Least, Numba Cuatro!**

Murtagh was training. After all the public humiliation he'd gone through, beating Eragon in a duel was just about what he needed. It was a heated battle, Eragon wanted to win really bad, and Murtagh did too. They used magic to guard their swords and then started to fight.

Slash, parry, block, thrust, slice, pin! Murtagh had Eragon pinned! One final move and... "MURTY! WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR BOXERS!" The elves who had been intently watching this battle sniggered, and Murtagh jumped up, glaring at Mercury. "I already told you! I'm not gonna tell!"

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!" Eragon charged at the distracted Murtagh and pinned him... uh, oh.

Mercury just grinned and skipped away.

**Part 2: Who Stole the Cookie From the Cookie Jar?**

"Heyy, loyal fans! I'm your camera girl Star..."

"And I'm your pranker Mercury, and this is..."

"51 Ways To Annoy Murtagh!" crowed the sisters.

Mercury smiled at the camera, that had been set on 'tape' in front of them. "We want to thank all of our fans, and our loyal reviewers, 13 reviews for part one!"

"We're really grateful to all of you loyal fans, and the thing is, the insanity doesn't end here!" said Star.

"Today, we take on phase two!"

The twins grinned at the camera, "Follow Murtagh around chanting, 'Who Stole the Cookie From the Cookie Jar? Murtagh Stole the Cookie From the Cookie Jar!"

* * *

Murtagh was eating. He loved to eat. Well, everyone _should_ like to eat... I mean, it keeps you alive and all... But Murtagh LOVES to eat. He loves eating even more than he likes to look at hot girls... not that he'd ever admit to that.

But the point was that Murtagh was eating. He was eating a curry. It had potatoes, peas, and cabbage. With rice. Can't forget the rice. Because rice is very important... _very_ important. So Murtagh was just about to have his first bite of this _delicious_ curry when, "MURTAGH STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR!"

Murtagh dropped his spoon (with the curry on it), swore, and jumped up. "What the hell?"

The one, the only, the _annoying_ Mercury was skipping around the room singing, "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Murtagh stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"

Murtagh sat down on his chair with a sigh, "And I thought it couldn't get any worse... Well... It just did..."

* * *

Authors Notice: Murtagh was stalked for the rest of the day... and year... so we decided not to feature it here... see ya in the next chappie!


	5. So, Bob, How's Life?

Hehe, this is getting really fun!

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 5: So, Bob, How's Life?**

**Phase 3: Call Murtagh Random Nicknames Unrelated to His Real Name! (thanks to Aiedail Icestar for helping me keep track of these!)**

Mercury loved this game. It was the best. And now, NICKNAME TIME! AKA, time to make Murtagh go even crazier! Which was (always) fun.

It was a sunny morning in Ellesmera, and Murtagh was running laps around the city. He was running, and running, and running, and running, and sweating (no shirt, of course) when out pops Mercury. She starts running next to him.

"So, Bob, how's life?" askes Mercury.

Murtagh gives her a funny look, "My name's not 'Bob.' Duh!"

"Oh!" Mercury slaps her head in forgetfulness, "Sorry Han Solo!"

Murtagh looks at her, "What?"

"I said, 'Sorry Han Solo!'" replied Mercury pointedly, "That's your nickname Bubba!"

"Bubba?" Murtagh looked at her, "Do you have a fever?"

"No!" sang Mercury, "I'm perfectly fine, Joe!"

"Do I want to know?"

"Know what, Danny?"

"Why you're not calling me Murtagh?"

"Because, they're your nicknames, Pony!"

"What... the... heck?"

"Hey!" Mercury, jumped in front of Murtagh, who skidded to a halt, "Don't be a potty mouth, teddy bear!"

Murtagh just stared, eyes wide open, and fainted. Partially from the running, but Mercury still got the pleasure of pointing at Murtagh and laughing.

And as Mercury skipped away from the unconsious Murtagh, she gasped, remembering what the next question was... and what the answer was to it...

* * *

Enjoy this chappie! I worked hard on it... ish. Well, hope you like it! And now, time for the next one! Dan... dan... daannnnnn!


	6. Ummm Babies?

Hmmm... I almost feel sorry for murtagh... no wait! That was a false alarm!

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 5: Ummmm... Babies?**

**Phase 4: Babies?**

Murtagh was hiding. He didn't want Mercury to find him but...

"Hey, Joe!"

"Not again Mercury..." sighed Murtagh.

"I'm not Mercury!" shouted Star.

"Yeah," added the real Mercury, "Are you blind, Cutie?"

Murtagh sighed, "Not her too..."

Star grinned evily, "Yes me too... and we have a question for you..."

"Where do babies come from?" chirped Mercury.

"What... the... d-on't you... know that?" stammered Murtagh.

"Were do babies come from?" repeated Mercury.

"Yeah, tell us, Murtagh!" added Star.

Murtagh balked at the thought, he never thought he'd have to explain this to anyone, "Maybe you should ask Arya..." he said, and he turned away and ran.

Mercury sighed, "That didn't work out too well..."

Star grinned, "Well, then, we'll just keep on asking..."

* * *

Murtagh was wandering through a crowded marketplace. He was searching for... well, anyone except for Mercury and Star. But he found exactly who he didn't want to find.

"I'm Mercury."

"And I'm Star."

"And we want to know..."

"Where do babies come from?"

"Leave me alone!" shouted Murtagh, drawing his sword. "I mean it!"

"AHHHHHHH!" screamed Star, "He's attacking me!"

"What? NO! I'm... just standing... hey!" A burly looking elf seized Murtagh by his arms and pinned him, "What do you think you're doing?" he growled.

Mercury sighed, "Don't bother... I've always known he was insane!"

* * *

We incorperated a bit of numba 51 in there too! Well, R&R! :)


	7. Slap!

Hmmm... I almost feel sorry for murtagh... no wait! That was a false alarm!... again!

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 6: Slap!**

**Phase 5: Fine! I'll tell you!**

Murtagh... was... annoyed. Anyone would be after being asked the same question from two annoying twin sisters over and over again. Especially if that question was something you couldn't answer... ever! But those sisters were relentless, so Murtagh had to tell them the next time.

* * *

Mercury and Star were sitting on a couch thingy in Murtagh's tree house home. "Where."

"Do."

"Babies."

"Come."

"From?" they demanded, completing each others sentences.

Murtagh sighed, and ran his hands through his hair. "Why me?" he muttered.

"What was that, Murtagh?" Mercury asked sweetly.

"Is something wrong?" finished Star.

"You two know very well what's wrong!" growled Murtagh. He sighed, "Okay... babies...

CENSORED FOR OUT YOUNGER READERS!

After a few minutes of torturous talking, Murtagh was done, and Mercury and Star stared at him, openmouthed.

"What do you think we are?" demanded Mercury.

"Fools?" finished Star. She then slapped Murtagh.

"You're not taking us seriously!" added Mercury, slapping Murtagh on the other cheek.

"I... you... really... truth... UGH!" groaned Murtagh. "This. Is. Hopeless!"

* * *

ahhh... poor guy... but sadly, I don't feel anything except for evil happiness! LoL, review please! :)


	8. Totally Believable

I've got a blister on thumb-knuckle... or a thuckle for short... does that make any sense at all? I got it from lazer tag! LoL...

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 8: Totally Believable **

**Phase 6: Yeah, Like We'll Ever Believe That! **

It was... time for another council meeting in the Hall of Trees. Star sat next to Eragon on Islanzadi's right, and on her other side was Arya. Mercury sat on Islanzadi's left with Murtagh next to her. Murtagh just stood up, "There seems to be one remaining Ra'zac, and it's been causing us a lot of trouble..."

Mercury stood up and scoffed at Murtagh, "Yeah, like we'll ever believe that!"

Eragon stood up, "Actually, it's true! It's been proven!"

"Oh," Mercury stared blankly at the wall, "if you say so..."

Murtagh sighed, "So, as I was saying, this Ra'zac has been causing a lot of trouble..."

This time, Star stood up, "Yeah! Like we'll ever believe that!"

Murtagh couldn't say anything, he could just stare at the smug twin sisters, his mouth gaping open. It was actually pretty amusing... no, it was halarious!

* * *

**Phase 7: Poke!**

Murtagh stalked out of the Hall of Trees, with Mercury and Star skipping behind him. "You guys are so annoying!" Mercury just grinned and poked him. Murtagh walked over to a cafe and sat down. Mercury plopped down next to him... and poked him.

"Why are you poking me?" asked Murtagh.

Mercury smiled, "The cheese monster told me to!"

Murtagh did a double take, and then sighed and hid his face in his hands. Mercury just poked him again.

After a day of being poked, Murtagh cracked... again. "Why are you poking me?!" he shrieked at Mercury.

Mercury just smiled mysteriously, "Because the cookie monster stole the noodles..."

* * *

You should review because the cookie monsters stole the noodles! ... Wow, I'm watching tv now, and my brains very confuzzled... anyhoo... review!


	9. Yes! I Taught Him Everything!

I've got a blister on thumb-knuckle... or a thuckle for short... does that make any sense at all? I got it from lazer tag! LoL...

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 9: Yes! I Taught Him Everything!**

**Phase 8: Haha!**

Back to the council hall.

This time, Eragon stood up. "We... have a problem. A bunch of Galbatorix supporters have been burning trees at the edge of Du Weldenvarden."

Murtagh stood up, "We could set up a protective border around the for..." He hadn't even finished his statement when Mercury started to laugh hysterically. "What's so funny?"

Mercury was still laughing to hard to answer, so Star spoke up, "It's just that you're plan's so ridiculous! It could never work!"

Murtagh sighed, and Eragon stood up, "We could set up a protective border around the forest."

Mercury jumped up, "That's an amazing idea, Eragon!"

Star sighed, "You're sooooo smart!"

Murtagh sighed, "Stupid Girls!"

* * *

**Phase 9: He Learned Everything From Me!**

There was a cheering mob on the practice fields. Mercury and Star wormed their way to the front, to see Eragon and Murtagh dueling. Murtagh brought Eragon down to his knees, and everyone started cheering. "Murtagh! You're amazing!" someone shouted.

Mercury smirked, and stepped up next to Murtagh. "You did a great job!" gushed Mercury.

"Why are you so happy?" asked Star, _inconspicuously_.

Mercury made a _duh_ face, "I taught him everything he knows!"

"What?" Murtagh glared at Mercury, "You didn't teach me anything!"

"Stop denying facts, Murty!"

At this, everyone started laughing, leaving Murtagh a pile of shame... and anger. Mostly anger.

* * *

Yay! This is fun! Enjoy! And review, please!


	10. The Insanity Response Unit

I've got a blister on thumb-knuckle... or a thuckle for short... does that make any sense at all? I got it from lazer tag! LoL...

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 10: The Insanity Response Unit**

**Phase 10: He's Insane!**

Mercury was calmly strolling through Du Weldenvarden's cafe area with Murtagh stomping behind her and growling. She was very proud about the way that the plans had been going so far. They were only to phase ten, and Murtagh was already about to snap. It was very rewarding.

Star had been living on the computer lately, she had discovered a bunch of "hot french actors"... whatever that was. And no matter what Mercury did, she couldn't get Star off the computer.

But Mercury had to admit, those humans on Earth were really cleaver. They had discovered the internet without any magic, and they had also discovered the existance of Eragon and the others.

The only problem was that the humans on Earth thought Mercury and Star were not real, so when they posted their saga on youtube, they got comments like, "Great costume! It's really realistic!"

And...

"That Eragon actor is hot!"

Or...

"I love MURTAGH!! He's not real! Take that back, sis! (sorry, my sister stole the laptop)"

And so on... It was all... confusing... really...

But the good part was that , weather they thought it was real or not, the show had been a hit... and that was good. And there was more to come, way more.

As of right his second, Murtagh was extreamly pissed off. Why? Mercury had taken all of the credit of his victory against Eragon. And having his victory not being credited to him, that really pissed Murtagh off.

And the fact that Mercury was traipsing through Du Weldenvarden carefree... that pissed Murtagh off even more.

A slight elf girl skipped up to Mercury. "Hey! Is it true that you taught Murtagh everything??" she asked.

"Yup!" Mercury smirked, and threw a foxy look at Murtagh. "We're very proud of him... those of us at the insanity response unit, that is!"

Murtagh's jaw dropped open, and the elf girl looked at him, giggling. But Mercury wasn't done yet. "We just got him potty trained too!"

Murtagh's jaw dropped even further. "I... you... didn't... potty..." he gibbered. Finally he managed a, "I've been potty trained for... a really long time!"

Mercury sniggered, "That is... if you call two days a really long time!"

Murtagh gasped, "I... you... evil!!" He lunged at Mercury, about to snap her head off. The slight elf girl grabbed Murtagh's arms, twisting them behind his back and restraining him, just in time.

Mercury sighed, "I've always known he was insane. I've known it forever..."

"But you only met me a week ago!" cried Murtagh.

The elf girl holding Murtagh twisted his arms backwards tighter, making him shriek.

"Wow," said Mercury, "You're pretty good with the whole, 'make Murtagh miserable' thing yourself!"

The girl shrugged, "I do try!"

"What's your name?" asked Mercury.

"Lisette," replied the girl (who is my loyal reader, LM1991).

"Well, Lisette," smirked Mercury, "How would you like to join the annoy Murtagh crew?"

Lisette smiled, "I would love to!"

"Oh, great!" sighed Murtagh, "My life just got waaaaaayyy worse... Oh joy..."

* * *

Whoot! Enjoy guys! And Lisette is (as I already said) LM1991... if you want to be featured for a certain stage of annoying... please just say so! I'll do my best!


	11. Lisette, Robyn, and Flightless

I jammed my fingers in a car door today... I just am very accident prone lately...

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 11: Lisette, Robyn, And Flightless**

**Phase 11: Murty has a crush!**

"Pssstt!" Eragon stopped walking, shrugged, and continued on his way. "PSSSTT!!!" came the call, more urgent than before. Eragon spun around, "What?" He came face to face with Mercury, Star, and three other unidentifiable girls. "Who are these guys?"

"I'm Lisette!"

"I'm Robyn!"

"And I'm Flightless!"

"And were're here to make Murtagh's life a living hell!" the three girls chroused in unison.

Mercury smiled, "Good job! Perfect timing!"

"Umm... hi..." mumbed Eragon.

"Hey, guys!" said Star, "Are we gonna tell him?"

"Wait... Murtagh needs to be near!" whispered Robyn.

"Not a problem!" Lisette waved her hands, and Murtagh appeared next to the with a shower of sparks.

"Nice!" said Flightless, giving Lisette a high five. Lisette did a small curtsy, "I do try!"

"What the?" Murtagh said, scratching his head. He then screamed, seeing the 'Annoy Murtagh' Team.

"Oh, it's not over yet!" snickered Star.

"Go!" said Mercury, pointing to Robyn and Flightless.

"Eragon!" trilled Robyn and Flightless, "We just wanted to let you know that Murtagh has a crush on you! He hid poetry in your room!"

Star winked at Eragon, "You'll find the poetry if you look hard enough!"

"Wha?" sputtered Murtagh, as Eragon fainted.

"MERCURY! STAR! LISETTE! ROBYN! FLIGHTLESS! #!^%$)*$_^%&*^$*(_%&_%*%^%*#(&(_!^%*_(&#%*&#^#*(_%^_%^*_$^#*!_(^&+#^!+($#(+)^&#*!^+()!^%&)^+!#^$+()^#&$)!&^38&+(!&^*#^)!+&(^%!" he shrieked, running after the girls.

In unison, all five of the elf girls screamed, "RAPE!" and ran away from Murtagh while everyone stared.

**Phases 12 & 13: Horsey Trouble **

"Guys, we have a problem," said Robyn, "Look at the next phase!"

"We need to eat Murtagh's horse! EWWW!" shrieked Flightless.

"I am _not_ doing that!" gasped Lisette.

"Neither am I!" said Star.

"And I'm vegetarian!" gasped Mercury.

"Should we just do the next one?" asked Flightless.

"Yeah!" agreed Robyn.

"We'll draw straws to see who gets to do this, and no cheating!" said Lisette.

**Tic-Toc-Tic-Toc-Tic-Toc...**

Robyn was very happy. Why? Cause she won. And now, Murtagh was half on his horse when... "Giddyup!" shrieked Robyn, slapping the horse's bum. Tornac, Murtagh's horse, turned around and gave Robyn a funny look... as funny as a horse could manage. The look said, "Are you as dumb as hay?"

Murtagh turned around, and glared at Robyn, "I'm gonna kill you!" he shouted, making Tornac run after Robyn, only to find she had disapeared. The other girls had magiced her back to Mercury's room where they collapsed into a giagantic pile of giggles.

**Phase 14: Laughing**

"Ohhh! I love this one!" crowed Mercury, "It's so... pointless!"

To properly make this work, the girls had stationed themselves at certain important points in Ellesmera. Robyn was by the stables, and Flightless was by Murtagh's favorite cafe. Mercury stood in front of the Hall of Trees, while Lisette was outside Murtagh's house. And Star was trailing Murtagh with the camera.

All the girls were psyced. Because coming to us next... is laughing at Murtagh randomly!

* * *

Hope you like it! Sorry for the long wait!


	12. Team Annoy Murtagh TShirts!

Sorry for the really long wait *sweatdrop* Enjoy! P.S. I want a Team Annoy Murtagh Shirt!

**51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Summary: **When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh...

**Chapter 12: Team Annoy Murtagh T-Shirts!**

**Phase 14: Laughing Continued**

So if you remember correctly, Mercury was at the Hall of Trees, Robyn was by the stables, Flightless was by Murtagh's favorite café, Lisette was outside Murtagh's house, and Star was trailing Murtagh with a camera. They were all in position to annoy Murtagh.

They were also equipped with "Team Annoy Murtagh T-Shirts". These new shirts were now the groups 'signature thing'. They wore them all the time—because the t-shirts had magic auto-wash spells on them! But little did Murtagh know he was in for the time of his life… NOT!

Murtagh woke up very early in the morning. He though if he got up fast, he might be able to avoid his torturers. He quickly got changed and was out of his tree house to see…

"Gooooooooooooood Moooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrning!" sang Lisette, "Good Morning! Good MORNING! GOOD Morning! GOOD MORNING!" She was singing the Good Morning song. Murtagh knew he was in for a very Bad Morning.

He started to walk towards the Hall of Trees, Lisette falling in step behind him. A group of elves passed Murtagh and Lisette burst into hysterical laughter while pointing at him. And this continued all the way to the Hall of Trees.

When Murtagh finally thought he would get a break with Lisette's mysterious departure he heard, "Good Morning! Good MORNING! GOOD Morning! GOOD MORNING!" It was Mercury, the worst of the worst.

Through the whole entire meeting in the Hall of Trees, Mercury sat next to Murtagh and sniggered, winking at the other elves while Murtagh silently seethed.

After the meeting, Murtagh thought he would get a break with Mercury's departure. He stepped up to his favorite café to hear, "Good Afternoon! Good AFTERNOON! GOOD Afternoon! GOOD AFTERNOON!" It was Flightless.

All throughout Murtagh's meal, Flightless just laughed hysterically, pointing at him. She gave people something to really laugh about when Murtagh accidentally toppled his bowl of soup while spinning around to glare at Flightless. It all went downhill from there.

Murtagh finally went to the stables, hoping for a nice, relaxing ride, just to hear, "Good Evening! Good EVENING! GOOD Evening! GOOD EVENING! It was Robyn.

Murtagh sighed. Robyn plopped herself behind Murtagh on his horse, and Murtagh had no choice but to go horseback riding with her—sparking many rumors about his romantic interests. Robyn, meanwhile, just laughed hysterically at Murtagh.

Murtagh knew he should be cautious, Star still hadn't played a prank on him. So when he heard a rustling noise in the bushes behind him, he spun around and threw his sword into the bushes to hear a metallic clang and Star's curses. He parted the bushes to find…

"What IS that thing?" he asked.

"A video camera," said Star innocently, "GOTTA GO!" She screamed in his face and ran away.

Later on that night the girls gathered in Mercury's house and posted their latest updates to Youtube, eagerly awaiting comments, no matter how weird these so called 'Earthlings' were!

I hope you like it! Next time, **Phase 15: Trash-Talking to Face**

Please please please review! And you can annoy Murtagh too!

Just message me with what you want to do! Toodle-oo!


End file.
